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I have 2 gay male friends in the entire world; I have an ok number of queer friends bi guys and girls, pan sexual but just a cisgender gay? After 13 years of being out…still having a hard time with the friends thing. Those people are most likely coming off weird. Here is an idea, join a club, an event, a charity, or some other place where gay people hang out. I have way more gay friends then straight.
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I attend more gay culture functions then straight oriented. Most if not all of my interactions with straights are at work. Specially on Church St. The lines got blurry for me once. I was lying to myself about what our situation was, it hurt [me], took a long time and an ocean apart to get over. How many people do we really meet that have much substance to them anyway? It is all about quality. Definitely has been harder to make them. Some are general social, others have a specific interest, like getting outside into nature, board games, tennis, surfing, Ren-Faire, etc.
I belong to three social groups: Try one or more groups, and not just once but stick around for a few months at least, to see if you and they click together. I think that Atticus has made some very good points about internalized homophobia. They need to look elsewhere to find alternative interest groups within the gay community such as hiking, spiritual, sports, arts etc.
Bingo yeah I prefer people who are down to earth and With a low level of being judgmental of others looks and coolness which eliminates about 95 percent of gay people.
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I feel like I would not be accepted into that catagory of gay guys and that they would never find me attractive. I just hope someday I can like myself enough to not care what the model gays think is normal. This one puzzles me. My gay friends who physically survived seem to be forever, and usually even outlast a move to a new city. Maybe the decline of gay bars is a problem here. Grindr may be efficient for hooking up, but gay bars had a much bigger role than that. Never really thought about it before now, but Cam hits on it: You might even be helpful in some charity or political issue.
I find it difficult as everything is geared towards dating and joining a group is so much like hard work and no guarantee of any gays being there. Gay and straight. I shoot a lot of weddings and meet a ton of people, sadly most are in neighboring states and I never keep in touch. Be yourself, If you keep running into someone, ask them if they want to get lunch or see a concert.
Small things you have in common can be a great icebreaker. Friendships have always been very easy for me to make with ALL people. I make friends through people I come into contact with, see how we connect and nurture them from there.
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So my circle expands exponentially from all that. Its a matter of knowing who you like having around you. The idea that there could be some sexual tension, is unheard of with me. Most gay friends I make are from all walks of life- many older than I am. I have also never been in a situation where a friend makes moves on me or tries to kiss me or whatever…lol.
Well since my life doesnt revolve around a bar annd drug addiction as well as bath houses and anonymous sex My straight friends are fine. I do not miss gay friends. I am always happy to make friends! My partner is very possessive tho and thinks all gay friends are potential notches on the bedpost!
Most gay guys, yourself included, have some internalized homophobia to work through. That is normal. A lot of men do insist on sexualizing interactions. Maybe they believe the catty accusations from guys like you who claim to have perceived success with gay friendships and turn around and, in so many words, label them losers or that something is wrong with them I would think gay people would be particularly sensitive to that criticism. They are out there in spades, you can pretend otherwise to prop up your countershame tirade all you want. All the energy goes to finger-pointing at hateful Christians, etc.
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Maybe there is a new gen of guys out there who in a time of increased acceptance and understanding about what it means to be gay are left to their own devices. This conversation requires thinking for yourself, not just regurgitating PC speak. Hence why straight men hang casually with other men but manage their interactions with women. Most women to them have potential sexually. Gay men are usually very sex-centric.
I mean, simply defining yourself by your sexuality is a sex-centric act in itself. Sex-centric men just want to have sex and not much more.
It seems some men who supposedly have friendship circles are actually codependent or usey types. All that glitters is not gold.
It is tough, you should spend time with people you like. And if you are lucky maybe more. No thanks. I thought you were straight. A relationship based around plutonium would never work. Which is okay until this becomes boring. Sam Molina: No Sam you are not alone. My experience s very similar. I have lots of gay friends because I join gay interest groups.
I have a boyfriend now but for a long time I found it quite difficult to find guys to date. If you thought that he was flamboyant, what impression do you think that he had of you?
Are you trying to make friends in bars? At truck stops? Get a volunteer job.
Go to church. Start a blog.
Make some YouTube videos about your interests. There are plenty of ways to meet people that are not sexualized. Keep up the closet non-sequitur and deflect, deflect, deflect. I find the gay community to be the most judgmental and hypocritical out of any other social groups. Some of you guys have more going on in your pants than in your head.